Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
