Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
