Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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