You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Enjoy the penises
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
