I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
