so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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