just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
