he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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