oh god the rape fog is back!
dude i'm inner monologue high
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
