I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
