the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm both gender and math confused
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
