my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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