UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
