Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
