Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
