I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
