I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
