The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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