i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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