some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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