I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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