yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
