I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
