I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have post one night stand depression
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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