you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
