oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
