After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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