woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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