She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
