laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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My ATM looks so different sober.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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