ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
