i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
