Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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