remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize