yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize