Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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