I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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