I cannot find my penis.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
