apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
