I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
