Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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