My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
is that a dick in a sweater?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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