So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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