my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
