I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
