The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
