I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Actions speak louder than pants.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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