I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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