I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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