my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
