you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i drank out of a bidet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
