My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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