I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
