College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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