I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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