not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
