I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
