dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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