im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
