i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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