so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
