I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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