you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You did what with his pubic hair?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
