and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
