found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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