he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
