we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
