she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
