The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
