you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
