You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
