I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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