It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
