My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
