We won't sleep together?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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