ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
