booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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