If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
