she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
