Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
