I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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