I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over