Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?