He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...