just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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