Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.