you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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