dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
